Lions Of Legend

September 2002 found me in a Maltese detention centre. I was one of a handful of law students giving a hand to the much maligned Jesuit Refugee Service (JRS), a non-governmental organisation on the island that wished to actively address the issue of refugees.

It had been an interesting morning spent interviewing a number of detainees, hearing their heart-wrenching tales of flight from their homeland. We also unwittingly helped out the guards of the centre who thought they had seventeen detainees in the yard when in fact there were twenty!

One of the inmates interviewed was a young Ethiopian lawyer. Erudite and civilised, our chat with him made it manifestly clear how much pot luck comes into the equation of a human being’s life.

He spoke of his harrowing flight from his unstable homeland and having to brave desert and sea before ending up in Malta. With pen and paper he sketched out the continent of Africa and showed us that practically almost every border on the continent had refugee camps caused by inept and brutal militias:

‘They say that out of every ten soldiers nine are idiots.’

When you read about premier league stars, you sometimes wonder whether this is also true of modern day footballers. The latest antics of certain players sometimes makes you wonder if Silvio ‘soundbite a day’ Berlusconi was right to refer to footballers as being ‘essentially eleven men in jocks’

Indeed in a human race of extremes, one might lose hope altogether for signs of human dignity. But it remains a constant feature of the human race that, much as it can and will depress you, in an instant it can turn around and completely surprise you.
 

 

This was clearly the case with the Iraqi national team in the Asian Cup of 2007. After a competent world cup campaign in Germany 06, everyone expected Australia to put in a strong showing at the Asian Cup. It was the first time the green and gold were taking part in the tournament, after having wisely joined the Asian federation. Finally the Socceroos were part of a confederation that would provide a stern test to their national side, with passing sides like Japan, Korea and Uzbekistan (not to mention the gulf states) proving more of a handful than the Solomons or Vanuatu.

The tournament was being held in south east Asia and the weather conditions were hell. In fact in their first game the Socceroos were trailing to a goal from Oman before ‘super’ Timmy Cahill popped up at the end of the match and got the equaliser. Everyone was sure that Australia’s performance would improve in the next game against Iraq whose head coach Jorvan Vieira had only been appointed eight weeks before the tournament and whose players did not even have a country in which to train!

Sure enough the Socceroos entered the field of play with a swagger in their step, confident that they would make up for the disappointment against Oman. The pre-match talk could not of course avoid mention of the war in Iraq in which Australia was a willing member of the alliance. In fact the commentators' tone towards the Iraqi team seemed to be almost one of pity before a ball was kicked. But once the whistle was blown, all talk of lambs being led to the slaughter was thrown out the window when a slick-passing Iraqi side unsheathed their scimitar and rammed it squarely up the ass of the green and gold.

In spite of the European stars it had fielded, Australia lost fairly and squarely to the Lions of Mesopotamia who put three past a beleagured Schwarzer. Meanwhile Iraq only had one player who played in Europe, in the Cypriot league (!) (the rest of the players plying their trade in gulf leagues). The Australian press raged at the ineptitude of the Socceroos performance, slamming coach and players. But Iraq’s victory was not a flash in the pan as the lions went on the clinch the tournament with their gutsy  brand of football, getting past Pim Verbeek’s South Korea on penalties and beating regional favourites Saudi Arabia in the final.

It was one of the greatest football upsets of all time, eclipsing Denmark’s triumph at Euro ’92 and probably on a par with Greece winning the Euro in 04. The players had had hardly any preparation at all and had only installed their wily Brazilian coach Jorvan Vieira a few weeks before the tournament. After his team’s incredible triumph, Vieira said he would not stay in the role (although he recently took it up again), citing problems with the administration of Iraqi football.

This only added weight to the magnitude of what had been achieved by Iraq, and sent a demoralised people in a war-torn country into raptures of delight, regardless of culture and creed. Which constituted further evidence of the unifying power of football.

 

 

The Iraqi national football team is arguably the national team with the most troubled past. Under the reign of the now departed Saddam Hussein, it was at one point run by his son Uday Hussein whose motivational lectures included threats to cut off players’ legs. Missed practices resulted in prison time and losses rewarded with flogging with electric cables and baths of raw sewage. Missing penalties and open goals led to a player’s feet being whipped with thorns. After the first Iraq war, the national team was banned from international competition and since then, the football association’s powers of organisation have been sketchy at best.

When the volcanic ash clouds caused havoc in Europe earlier this year, many European club sides complained of a lack of preparation because they had to catch a coach instead of a plane to away games. It is hilarious to think of this when one considers the problems the Iraqi national team has had to face in recent years, being unable to train during the day because of prohibitve weather conditions and being unable to play games at home for long spells. This is not to mention the personal strife they have endured with relatives undergoing turmoil in a war that although declared won a few years back seems to still be raging.

Today the team is already readying to defend its title after somehow surviving FIFA’s latest threat to ban the team from international tournament. Those members of the team who have moved back to their native Iraq enjoy such a high profile that they are as big a targest for the insurgency as prominent political figures. Despite this, the Iraqi team refuses high security which is testament to their heroic devotion to their colours, making a complete mockery of the spoilt club footballers we have to suffer in Europe and elsewhere.

Its team is of great example to all teams worldwide, of what can be achieved if the right spirit is in place, something that sounds cliche and also something that money cannot buy.

After a brilliant world cup, the Asian cup will be the next tournament to look out for before the next Euros. Australia will again consider themselves among the favourites to lift the trophy, but the quality of the other sides involved was demonstrated at the last world cup, where South Korea and Japan were narrowly eliminated in the second round to south american opposition.

Iraq will be there with their splendid football team and they will be ready to rumble. Their most testing group game will most certainly be that against Iran. When the tournament begins I will be keenly following up on the exploits of the green and gold with Holger Osi at the helm. But if Australia get knocked out, then the lions of Mesopotamia, also led by a brave German coach, will be many a neutral’s favourite.

 

Back To The Future

I think the writing’s pretty much on the wall if you’re being interviewed for a job you’ve already got.

So one sunny day, after discussing his club's last outing with its first team coach, Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner walked out of his office and strode back in again, before sitting down behind his desk. In front of him, fumbling with his fingers and trying hard to look serious, was seated Aston Villa first team coach Kevin MacDonald. The Scot had a wry smile on his face, whilst the look in his eyes was almost pained.

‘So Kevin,’ said Randy, narrowing his eyes and trying to look professional, ‘what draws you to becoming manager of Villa?’

Trying hard to avoid the word ‘erm’, MacDonald shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.

‘It’s a big club with a great tradition…er…and with the right backing…’

Lerner’s eyes squinted sharply before MacDonald quickly added:

‘…which the club already has, it can go on to become a force in world football.’

Hilarious isn’t it? But can anyone possibly imagine a more unlikely scenario?

I can!

This week the Villa faithful and the rest of the football world choked on their cheerios when it surfaced that Gerard Houllier was taking up the hotseat at their club. ‘Gerard Hou?!’ must have been a common quip amongst the good folk of Birmigham. Talk about a blast from the past! After having to be interviewed for a job he already had, Kevin MacDonald was at least kept on board as reserve team coach.

Personally speaking, it’s a bit of déjà vu, which would have been a double serve had Phil Thompson given up his job at Sky and rejoined Gerard. Houllier had completely slipped from my radar except for his encounter with AC Milan as Lyon manager. And since he left Liverpool in 2004, he’d become yesterday’s man in everyone’s reckoning except for the French.

Besides the worthless cup final win over Manchester United in 03 (what a goal by Gerrard), you’d have to look back to 2001 for a memory of Houllier lifting any English or European silverware. Most would probably agree that, besides securing Lyon’s fifth and sixth Ligue 1 victories (but failing to bring them the champs league which was why he given the reins by Jean-Michel Aulas all along), 2001 remains the apex of Houllier’s club career. And it probably remains the only treble that Liverpool FC will secure in the foreseeable future, bar a sudden revelation that IKEA’s owners have treasured a long-held desire to own the Reds.

So it was with a twinge of nostalgia that I received the news of his appointment, recalling the finals that lead to the treble nine years ago when Pool somehow managed to scrape past Brum on penalties in the worthless cup final, got past the Arse through a miracle in the FA Cup final courtesy of two expert handsballs by Stephane Henchoz (the irony of seeing Thierry Henry protesting about them now!) and two late goals from Michael Owen. The cherry on the cake that season was winning the Useless cup courtesy of an Alaves player’s own 'golden' goal! It was surreal stuff for Liverpool supporters who hadn’t seen their club win any European silverware in almost twenty years. Houllier’s was only two years into his five year plan  and already the team (despite not capturing the imagination with their style of football) had won three cups in one season!

But 2001 was one of many false dawns in Liverpool FC’s stop-start past twenty years. When MacAllister left the club after the treble was won, many fans were left to wonder if the triumphs had only been down to the old Scot’s commanding performances in midfield. Houllier had seemed to be successfully dragging Pool into the modern age before he embarked on one of the most gut-wrenching and severely disappointing series of signings in living memory. Which stopped the Reds’ ascendancy in its tracks.

 

 

Hardly had the master of all bargains Arsene Wenger declared that one should not buy a player on the basis of his performances at a world cup that Houllier went on to sign Senegal’s world cup heroes El Hadji Diouf and Salif Diao. He also purchased Bruno Cheyrou, whom he openly heralded as the ‘new Zidane.’ All of these players put in underwhelming performances and I doubt anyone except tragics like me even recalls them at all! Signing these flops might have been forgivable, had they not added to the list of other flops Houllier had already signed like Biscan, Smicer, Titi Camara, Traore (the new ‘Desailly’ if you please!), Westerveld, Dudek, not to mention the hapless Sean Dundee and Eric Meijer, amongst others.

Despite their best efforts, these players greatly contributed to the depressing quality of football on show after the treble victory of 2001. Houllier’s tactics seemed reduced to having defence and midfield boot the ball up to big Emile Heskey’s head, who would try to get it into the path of livewire Michael Owen’s blistering runs. Question marks about Heskey also abound with Houllier himself selling him before Benitez’s arrival. Which would not make Heskey too chuffed about his old gaffer’s impending arrival at Villa.

Some might argue that a number of these players formed the spine of Rafa Benitez’s side which won the champions league in such dramatic fashion against AC Milan in 2005. But hardly had the trophy been lifted that Benitez began to sell most of the side that had just become kings of Europe. Never before in the history of football had a team which won the highest honour in European club football been disbanded so quickly! (and without a whimper of protest from the club’s fans) In fact the only player that survived this cull was Sami Hyppia, who was definitely Houllier’s best ever acquisition for Pool and probably remains the best bargain buy of all time. It is just such a pity that he was a one off.

During the treble winning season Houllier also seemed frustratingly incapable of harnessing the creative talent of coup acquisition Jari Litmanen. Although the ‘flying Finn’ always delivered when he wasn’t out injured, he was inexplicably hauled off or kept out of games in which he was desperately needed. These included the champions league quarter-final against eventual finalists Bayern Leverkusen in 2002 when Litmanen’s late introduction nearly turned the game around. Pool fans were left wondering what might have been had he been introduced earlier on.

Which is not to mention the problems Houllier ran into with God, which are well documented in Robbie Fowler’s autobiography. According to Fowler, Houllier was the type of guy who would stoop to any level to secure his stranglehold at Anfield, even going as far as to pressure journalists into giving lukewarm or bad reviews about Fowler’s exceptional performances throughout the treble season. This side of Houllier also raised its head in his later references to David Ginola and Rafa Benitez, amongst others.

I recall screaming at the tv set for Fowler to be brought on during games in 2001, which occurred later rather than sooner (if it occurred at all). Despite this, Fowler thwarted his manager by scoring countless times whenever he came off the bench before Houllier sold him to Leeds in November of 2001. To the relief of all Liverpool supporters, Houllier himself was sacked by Liverpool less than three years later.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. Chelsea have leapfrogged Arsenal to rival Manchester United in what has increasingly become a two horse race for the title. This was mainly thanks to the Premier League’s biggest star Mourinho who has since left the Prem for pastures new. Liverpool remain a moody wild card which manages to secure fifth place in the league whilst bizarrely winning the champions league or FA Cup after being three goals down (Inter fans are in for an exciting time with Benitez).
 

 

And Houllier now finds himself back to having to build for the future, in the world of the Premier league whose landscape continues to change sharply. A world whose transfer market is dominated by Man City that now eclipse the likes of Chelsea's Abrahmovich for spending power. Liverpool will probably be Villa’s closest rivals, and if he can secure a snitch of the success with Villa which he secured with Liverpool during their treble winning season of 2001, Houllier will become a legend with Villa. But this is of course a pipe dream, which is why O’Neill quit the club. It is clear that Lerner is not going to be doing anymore big spending.

Appointing Houllier is a big gamble. How is a coach that clashed with Fowler going to see eye to eye with firebrands like Richard Dunne and Stephen Ireland? O’Neill is a coach who has a cultural background which would allow him to harness these Gaelic talents, but Houllier always demonstrated zero tolerance towards British players with a shred of personality during his time at Liverpool. Were it not for his winning of the treble, the Liverpool faithful would never have forgiven him for getting rid of British talents like Paul Ince, David Thompson, Stephen Wright, Stephen Warnock (also at Villa with Heskey), Dominic Matteo and ultimately Robbie Fowler, most of them players who were instantly snapped up by other clubs. All of this does not bode well for the majority of Villa’s playing staff, most of whom are British.

So what will Houllier really bring Villa besides a questionable capability in the transfer market? How can he improve on O’Neill overachievements of the last few seasons? That’s still open to debate, since the only addition to the squad has been Stephen Ireland which has arguably lost its best player in James Milner.

The jury is also still out on his tactical approach to games in Europe. He struggled against Italian opposition in the Champions League with Lyon, further adding to his mediocre track record in the competition. I still flinch when recalling Liverpool’s inept showings in the champions league under his tenure.

In short Houllier appears to be the Graham Taylor of French football, another guy who failed to get his country to the world cup and who returned to management with Villa before leaving after he claimed that he was unable to motivate the dressing room.

Will Houllier's reign have the same ending at Villa? He has still to win over its fans, who fear that like ‘Back To The Future’’s Dr Brown, he will send their club 30 years back in time. Something that Houllier said would happen to Liverpool when they gave him the sack, only for them to dramatically win the Champs league the following season without him.

I suspect that like Marty McFly in 'Back To The Future', Villa are going to be blazing a trail back into the past.

 

Problem Child

Although he was never a football coach, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald had some great one liners. Being blessed with a memory to rival that of Guy Pearce’s character in Memento, I’ve written a few of them down over the years.

His novel ‘The Great Gatsby’ is one of the best books I’ve read. It lays bare some myths about America but I’m not about to get started on all that jazz. The point is that the yarn’s got a fair few razor sharp and witty sentences inside it to rival Oscar Wilde's best citations. Take this example:

“Thirty – the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair”

The bastard!

Another favourite quote from Gatsby refers to reading books:

“I was going to…become again that most limited of all specialists, the ‘well-rounded man’. This isn’t just an epigram – life is much more successfully looked at from a single window after all”

If you equate success to money and bling-bling, as our society unequivocally does these days, then FSKF certainly has a point. Particularly if you are talking about a specialist skill which is excessively rewarded (football in this case). After a good rub of the green, the most entirely flawed specialist / professional footballer on earth, whether or not also a veritable psycho, can get away with a fair bit of murder once material success is achieved.

So long as they’ve got the dosh, they’ll also afford enough agents and friends to tell them they’re right about everything. Which very often is all they want to hear. Some of these footballers also begin to imagine they’re a god and create an dreamlike never never land where they are always right. Of course this heaven quickly evaporates into a lonely hell once the dough and / or respect of the public are gone. Perhaps I should offer them counselling for a 'small' fee.

I guess this is a week in which AC Milan fans should really be chuffed. After wisely strengthening their rearguard and midfield, they engaged in some last minute deadline day drama and snatched up Ibrahimovic and Robinho.

I should be over the moon, shouldn’t I? As Berlusconi would probably add, AC Milan fans should be grateful.

Which I guess makes me an ungrateful sod.

These words may yet return to haunt me (like Defoe did against Bulgaria this week) but there was something unsettling about Robi and Ibra heading to Milanello to join Robinho and Pato. Not that one can dispute their talents, although others have done so in the past. They’re certainly players that deserve first team football although it’s still an open question whether or not they can be cogs in the wheels of a big club.

And that’s the first potential hitch.

Can Milan really fit all four strikers into the same starting lineup? Or is Allegri starting to bend over to 'il Presidente' a little bit too much? And was there a need for two more strikers after Borriello, Pato, Ronaldinho and Inzaghi played their socks off in AC Milan’s excellent first day drubbing of Lecce? Let’s hope the new recruits don’t wind up being two flies in the ointment.

They certainly aren’t going to be the type of guys who mince their words if their playing time is restricted. Much as they’re renowned for their specialist football skills, they’re also two young guys who always say and get what they want off the field. Which some may consider a high degree of success.

So has modern day football become the playground of the superstar problem child ? Guys like Ibra and Balotelli probably work very hard in training and have prodigious talents. But do they work any harder than professionals and specialists in other fields besides football? Whether they do or not , these guys are actually beginning to think they are worth the ludicrous sums they earn and entitled to do and say whatever they like without showing any respect towards others. But besides being unfortunate, this behaviour also comes across as being crass. No matter how much exposure the press gives every slur they breathe, it doesn’t make bitchy and bitter little comments brave or worthy ones.

There seemed to be a time when players without dignity or cool heads were avoided by big clubs. I recall one Francesco Totti being touted to move to a big club at a time when he himself did nothing to deny all of the rumours. Then he regaled us to one of his many acts of lunacy on the pitch, when he slapped Siena’s Colonnese to the ground. No doubts were entertained after this act of indiscipline that none of the big boys would lift a finger to buy him. Low and behold, the very next day Totti swore undying love and fealty to Roma, proudly declaring that he would remain there until the end of his career (and therefore continue to do what the hell he likes on the field).

This also too place at international level. Lippi gave the likes of Di Canio, Balotelli and Cassano the cold shoulder during his time as Italy coach. Which is not to mention England manager Kevin Keegan ignoring Ben Thatcher when the latter tried to remove half of Nicky Summerbee’s face with his elbow. Not to be outdone, Thatcher instead played for the Welsh dragons at international level, perhaps hoping to follow up on the equally thuggish and hilarious exploits of the likes of Robbie Savage and Vinnie Jones (presently honoured by Bellamy in the modern era).
 

 

Yet the last transfer window seemed to fly in the face of all tradition, where ‘problem children’ like Balotelli have won big money transfers to Manchester City (although it seems we should be thankful that he didn’t also end up being placed in AC Milan’s problem child nursery!) after his most memorable moment last season was hurling his Inter top onto the pitch in a fit of rage after the club had arguably secured its most famous champs league triumph ever.

Inter were wise to offload him to Man City in exchange of all of that money. After having been ripped off for years, the blue side of Milan incredibly turned the tables on another big spending club. Hardly had the dummies of Bellamy, Ireland and Robinho dried on the City of Manchester's turf that Mancini bought himself a new incredible sulk. Perhaps three for one can be seen as a shrewd bit of business by City and for their sakes one hopes that ‘Il Mancio’ can exercise enough control over Balotelli to curb his madness.

But besides the questionable personalities of AC Milan's latest striking duo, there is also a big question mark hanging over how these acquisitions will affect the club’s dressing room. Perhaps these things are overlooked in an Italian election year. But was it worth sacrificing a splendid footsoldier like Borriello for an egomaniac and a half pint nutter who will refuse to ever sit on the bench? Does their arrival not threaten the balance in the squad?

After watching his performance against Lecce, many AC Milan fans were saddened to see Borriello leave AC Milan. It was a separation comparable to the pain of Liverpool ditching Robbie Fowler in 2001 and Giuseppe Signori leaving Lazio in 1998. Some might unjustly dispute his quality, forgetting that Man City and Real Madrid both wanted him in their ranks before he opted to join Ranieri’s Roma revolution instead.

And there’s also another concern.

In an age when trophies are being hogged by wealthy owners with bowsers of money, the way a club projects itself on and off the field has assumed greater importance. If your owner isn’t splashing the dosh, it becomes harder to win all the time. But clubs can at least still preserve their image and reputation. Which is why the likes of United and Juventus are generally accorded respect by fans of other clubs. Not for them a crass multi-million dollar gamble on a misfit.

The same can also be said of Arsenal, who although having won nowt in the last few seasons are respected throughout the world for their brand of crisp passing football and their dealings off the pitch. Season after season Wenger has revealed himself to be a canny operator, refusing to be held to ransom by agents. This was mentioned this week by Liverpool stalwart Jamie Carragher who stressed the importance of Liverpool restoring its image as a club that wins and loses with dignity. ‘Carra’ insisted that Liverpool should become more like Arsenal, which in his book appears to be as important as winning.

Having tired of seeing Inter dominate the Serie A, I can only hope that Allegri manages to harness the arcane talents at his disposal. The stars are not badly aligned for him. Problem children sometimes recognise their last chance saloons and Ibra and Robi should have enough sense not to blow their chance at Milan.

“Che Dio c’e la mandi buona!”

 

Spoilsports

My sister always had an interesting take on life. When we were kids she was always first in all trouble. In her case service was also offered with a smile, a grin which made her get away with things no one else could. One day our mom picked me up from school. Sis was sitting in the front and with typical cheek she refused to budge. On the way back home, she was quizzed about the English exam she had taken that morning. The title of her essay was the typically predictable ‘The Person I Admire The Most.’
 

‘So who did you write about?’ asked my mom.

‘Benny Hill’ was my sister's candid reply, as if in cool reference to the weather.

My jaw dropped and there was heard a short screech of brakes. The car momentarily veered into the opposite lane before narrowly missing a tree on the pavement. Beads of sweat prickled my mother’s brow as she raced to get home, too shocked to even give my sister a scolding. Upon our return she ran into the house to call sis’s English teacher and apologise for her daughter’s indiscretion. She was met by peals of laughter on the other end of the phone. Apparently the English teacher had laughed so much upon reading the essay that she decided to award sis full marks for originality. Sis had gotten away with it. Again.

But to her credit, whoever this teacher was (and despite picking such a lame title for an essay) she revelled in the unexpected. She appreciated the spontaneity and unpredictability of life, that element which adds zest to a cup tournament.

 

Fast forward to Sydney 12 July 2010. Spain and Holland had reached the world cup final in South Africa, two teams which had never taken the cup home before. It was a mouth-watering prospect, to say nothing of the historical significance for nerds enamoured by Renaissance European history. I couldn’t sleep a wink all night, before heading off to pick up two Spanish friends from Bondi and two fellow Malta men from Surry Hills. With heavy foot on the accelerator we shot off to the Spanish quarter in the Sydney CBD and ran along to the screens at Cheers bar.

The game was a tactical battle royal, taut as a steel pylon with a fair few close calls, excellent saves and dramatically won at the death.  There was even a touch of post-match romance for the girls and whoever else likes fairy-tale endings, when Casillas smooched his missus. An early morning fiesta erupted in the Spanish quarter in Sydney and our Spanish friend Jorge was so moved he decided to shave his head which had exceeded that of Sergio Ramos for length!

 

Upon my return home, my elation was somewhat tempered by an email from an Aussie mate who’s a leaguey (Rugby League tragic) who could not resist taking a pop at the final, saying the usual ‘geez it was boring’ jibe and what with the world’s biggest stars failing to perform throughout the finals? At the point of exhaustion, I meekly replied ‘please spare me’ and clicked ‘send’.

‘Breathe in and out’, I told myself, ‘it’s cultural differences. Another leaguey, I mean, they also have a right to exist.’ (Don’t they just!)

 

So imagine my frustration when I opened this month’s copy of 4-4-2 Australia (hardly two months since the world cup) that I read the 'Star Letter' (if you please!) to the editor where the ‘star’ subscriber wrote:

 

‘My biggest disappointment came from what we were all watching the World Cup for – star players turning in top performances.’

 

 

I am sure my face turned beetroot red whilst steam whistled out of my ears. The rag was flung against the box where some power hungry wannabe was still crapping on about the Australian hung parliament. How could one of Australia’s foremost publications on the one true game give light of day to such an insidious and futile argument that threatens to undermine the world’s greatest sporting event? And does anyone seriously believe this rubbish? Is it not obvious that for every winner you’re going to have a loser? And how often have predictions been proved wrong before an international tournament kicks off? Is that not what adds spice to cup competitions?

It’s not a battle about who’s best on paper, it’s about what takes place on the pitch. It’s not meant to be a screenplay where stars win the day, it’s football where everyone’s (meant to be) giving it a go, getting down and dirty on the pitch with no quarter given. Why else would people watch it and why else would wins mean anything at all?

Perhaps people like the annoying leaguey or the ‘star’ subscriber think Adidas or Nike should commission a Hollywood director to direct the finals, allowing the stars to turn in top performances. Can you imagine Spielberg during a New Zealand – Italy encounter shouting from the sidelines:

‘Hey Paston - hang fire a moment kid! Can’t you see Cannavaro’s trying to head the ball past you? Did you have to go and save that? Have a heart mate, don't be a spoilsport. He’s a bigger star than you, people at home are gonna get disappointed!’

 

What a load of tosh. Yet an image so symptomatic of our increasingly beige, bland and celebrity-obsessed culture. Don’t people get it? It’s not that society loves underdogs, it’s that society needs underdogs. Otherwise how could things like Fantasy soccer exist at all? Or a low budget flick win an academy award? And what joy would be left in playing or watching the game? Do people want everything to have to be predictable, to be served to them on a plate? Has identifying good unknown players become too much hard work for most? It’s like not having a chance of publishing a book if it contains too many ‘hard words’ (which in the US means a word of more than two syllables – I wish I were joking about this by the way). 

 

Our 'star' then goes on to add:

 

‘Kaka was ordinary for Brazil, while Ribery was ineffective in a disastrous campaign for France. So what happened?’

 

Was this chap actually watching the games? Kaka would’ve scored an incredible equaliser were it not for arguably the save of the tournament from Stekelenburg. Until Brazil’s elimination at the quarter final stage Kaka was part of a ruthless Brazil side that were everyone's favourites to lift the cup after meeting Argentina in the final.

The latter’s elimination in the quarters was another result that shocked the football world to its core. After all the soothsayers predicting that a European team could not win the trophy off European shores, the 80 year old spell was finally broken! But it took an equally ruthless and daring Dutch side to pull off a famous and unlikely win against Brazil. As for Ribery, how can players excel when they’re on strike?!

 

But this still didn’t deter our ‘star’ pickled possum who went on:

 

‘The players that shone had limited Champions League commitments last term – Villa, Ozil and Forlan.’

Oh so Forlan did not have any arduous Europa league commitments to contend with before the World Cup?. And after an exhausting tournament in South Africa he still so happened to have the energy to upset the likes of Inter in last week’s super cup? Which is not to mention Wesley Sneijder’s heroics after having played in every single game with Inter Milan last season, winning all there was to win and still dragging Holland to the final?

And what of other players who reached the champions league final or semis, like Robben, van Bommel and a fair chunk of the Spanish side? Which is not to mention the double-winning Bayern Munich players with semi-finalists Germany? Personally speaking, I was quite star-struck watching Germany-Spain, thank you very much. Realising the fallacy of his argument, our ‘star’ at least goes on to sniffle:

‘Okay, Netherlands’ Wesley Sneijder is an exception’

 

But forgetting that his whole argument is crap, he carries on undeterred!

‘Maybe Europe’s premiere club competition needs to take a break or assume a shorter format in World Cup years?’

So he’s undecided again?! But hold your horses because he’s not finished:

 

‘And don’t even get me started on Rooney.’

 

Oh boy, he just had to mention that old well-worn out hoary chestnut.

Rooney was as fit for England as Defoe is presently ‘fit for England’. What does ‘fit for England’ mean anyway? It just means there’s a decent player who can barely stand masking the void of talent that cannot be filled in! Is this not a fact that’s blindly obvious, like Roy Hodgson saying Liverpool ‘have space’ for a new striker? All that being said, the likes of Robben still managed to almost nick the World Cup for Holland despite playing through the injury barrier. So no need of a winter break for some?

 

And in any case, should a team just fold and let the other win just because they’ve got a bunch of stars? Certainly not. Isn't it stiff opposition that makes consistent performances at the highest level the stuff of champions? That makes players like Beckham, Fowler and Del Piero impressive standouts – not to mention David Trezeguet scoring an average of 17 goals a season at Juve.  And isn’t it the lack of stars in a winning team (like Mourinho's Porto in the European Cup of 04 and Greece in Euro2004) that makes their achievement so much more formidable?

And based on stars alone, which team most deserved to win? Spain, Brazil, Argentina, Germany? Is that the gauge you expected Paul the bloody psychic octopus to employ when making a prediction before every game: ‘oh, Germany have less stars than Spain or do Spain have less? Oh, I’ll plonk myself in both boxes then or else it means some stars will underperform?’

 

Before Brazil’s dramatic exit Dunga said that the era of the ‘big teams’ is over. A timely prediction, as it happened, before his team crashed out against Holland. I would venture to add that the significance of stars in international football is over. What are stars anyway, except names kept alive by big money transfers cooked up by agents mainly always stirring the same soup and an international media picking up on this to seek an easy way out to sell tabloids?

 

How else could an agent justify the ridiculous transfer fees payed for players like Crouch, Defoe etc. when Slovenia’s star player and captain Robert Koren (whose team England laboured to beat 1-0) is without a club? And what of that clubless Mexico international who impressed and clubless New Zealand Simon Elliott? How else could an agent or a big-spending European club justify paying large amounts  for unfulfilled talent when unknown players with the likes of Chile and Paraguay stood up to fellow Latin American opposition and countered the best Europe had to throw at them?

I actually think this world cup was interesting for the number of stars left out due to them not being on form. Stars are in fact good for the media but threaten team spirit and structure (just ask Capello, Zagallo or any other coach worth his salt) – as legendary West German coach Helmut Schön once put it: ‘you cannot have a team full of Peles’. 

Cue the relevance of ‘water bearers’ like Didier Deschamps or Claude Makelele (whose departure from Florentino Perez’s first Galacticos side made them implode) or the last aggressive Juve team that swept all before them with the likes of Pessotto, Birindelli, Di Livio, Davids, Iuliano, Torricelli and other workhorselike players making stars like Zidane and Del Piero tick. Just look at United. For every Welsh wizard like Giggs, you have a hard grafter like the redoubtable Gary Neville of the evergreen teen ‘tache. Stars generally mean trouble, which is why the likes of Benny MacCarthy was left out by Parreira from the South Africa squad so he could keep working on his belly in peace whilst watching the world cup on telly at Maccas in the East End!

 

It’s not that the stars are underperforming, it’s that on the world stage the game has been taken up another notch, or at least, that’s what Dunga would have us believe. I think he’s right.

So why is this insistence that the stars underperformed still being entertained by the media?

 

I remember one Marcello Lippi when still Juventus coach explaining why the papers kept contradicting his denial that a particular Juve player was going to be sold: ‘these newspapers have loads of pages to fill, what else do you want them to fill them with?’

 

I also think that Nike's world cup ad got to some people’s heads, leaving many to tune into the world cup expecting to see Ronaldo, Rooney, Ribery  and Ronaldinho (although he wasn’t chosen picked by Dunga) et al smash everyone like they did in the ad – except football’s not a movie. So excessive marketing of certain players irrelevant of their performances on the park is one problem.

And being a star also means you’re going to get closer and more intimate attentions on the pitch, people are going to try kick your legs from under you before you get near the ball. You'll have some unknown, feral, hard bitten, gnarly defender pulling your nipples and stomping on your feet during corners at every opportunity.

 

Which is not to say that the stars were not trying their best. What 'out of form' star delivers a cracking shot against the bar from thirty yards against the likes of the Ivory Coast? But being a star does not spare you from bad luck either. 

Do people think that it was a want of trying that led to Messi not get on the scoresheet more often? He still lit up the world cup and was a joy to watch, drifting in and out of opposing defences with aplomb. But people forget that at the end of the day it’s a team game, which is why Germany  did so well.

 

There was also a flood of new 'stars' (which the ‘Star’ subscriber probably views as spoilsports) who came to prominence like Asamoah Gyan, Ryan Nelsen and Ozil in a world cup of incredible quality which people should be waxing lyrical about.  Just look at the quarters finalists: Brazil, Argentina, Ghana (who should’ve rightfully made the semis instead of a plucky Uruguay) and Paraguay (the next dark horses after Uruguay).

 

Which is not to say that as a tournament the World Cup is not without its flaws. But this ‘stars failed to shine’ argument is really starting to get me down and threatening to snowball. Its an argument which goes against the surprises every world cup is meant to contain, something that does not appreciate original and unexpected happenings. With a celebrity obsessed mass media providing an ocean of shallow content, one cannot put one’s expectations too high. However giving prominence to this insidious and ridiculous argument really takes the biscuit.

Maybe I’m just protective of international football, a tier of the game (as yet) untouched by transfer windows that are still going on even though the European leagues have already started. But its one thing to ridicule the last world cup because some untrained European ear couldn’t get used to the vuvuzela or because of the Jabulani or the refereeing. But this insidious, ludicrous argument that ‘the stars did not shine’ should not be aired by prominent journals.

 

It’s disrespectful to other players who put in a hard shift and pulled out a good performance. It implies that they’re undeserving upstarts or spoilsports. But they aren’t. They’re just brave athletes defying the odds and doing their best for their country. After all it’s football - something deadly serious - and not a star gazing night out at the flicks!